Internal Family Systems (IFS)
IFS is based on the idea that our minds are made up of different "parts"and that each part is shaped by past experiences, trauma, and internal conflicts. At the core of IFS is the belief that we all have an essential Self, which is compassionate, wise, and capable of healing. This Self can act as a guide to help us work with our parts, create internal harmony, and lead us toward healing.
Understanding the Parts
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Exiles: These parts are often wounded or hurt by past traumas (e.g., emotional neglect, abuse, loss). They carry the pain, shame, or fear that’s been pushed away to protect us from feeling overwhelming emotions. Exiles are often hidden from our conscious awareness, and the work of IFS is to help bring these parts into the light for healing.
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Managers: These are parts of us that try to control our thoughts, feelings, or behaviors to keep us safe and avoid the pain of the exiles. They may take the form of perfectionism, workaholism, or other behaviors meant to maintain control and prevent vulnerability. These parts work to keep everything functioning and can be seen as protectors.
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Firefighters: Firefighters are parts that step in when we’re overwhelmed or when the exiles’ pain rises to the surface. They often act impulsively or in extreme ways to "put out the fire" (the pain) quickly. These behaviors can include substance use, dissociation, anger, or other coping mechanisms that help us numb or avoid difficult emotions.
The Process of IFS Therapy
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Identifying the Parts: In therapy, you’ll begin by identifying the different parts of yourself. You might not always be conscious of them, but through guided exploration, you’ll notice how they show up in your thoughts, behaviors, and emotions.
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Developing a Relationship: The therapist helps you build a relationship with your parts, especially the exiles (the parts that hold the most pain). Instead of rejecting or suppressing these parts, you begin to understand their positive intentions and their role in protecting you.
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Healing the Exiles: IFS aims to help you process the emotions and beliefs trapped in the exiles. The goal is to give them the space and healing they need so that they no longer control your responses or feel trapped inside you.
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Transforming the Protectors: Managers and firefighters often take on extreme roles because they believe they need to protect you from the pain of the exiles. Once you can heal the exiles, these parts can be retrained to act in less extreme, more balanced ways.
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Restoring Balance: As you begin healing your parts, your Self takes the lead, and the system becomes more harmonious. Your exiles are no longer overwhelmed with pain, and your managers and firefighters can let go of their extreme roles.